Category Archives: Loh Zhirui

So near yet so far: Some thoughts.

aka letter to Zhirui Loh
As the bus circled Toa Payoh on my way to school, I thought “so near yet so far”. I recall you work at Toa Payoh. 
I’m all alone now. I’m happy. And you’re happy too. That’s what makes me happy as well, and the engine that keeps me running, despite my loneliness in being single. 
I extract my earphones from my bag and slip the silicon into my ears, immersing myself within the deadliest music I own. Music, to me, is the eternal drug for my pain and sorrow. It makes me feel a different person altogether, and whole again.
Over the years, I saw you transform. You are no longer the lively RP you used to be. Naughty in some way, your camp tales would intrigue me. I loved your car rides. We would spend the whole day together and do practically nothing at all, but talk and talk non-stop, and stare into each others’ eyes. Sadly, we had to grow up and move on with our lives, and leave our youthful dreams far behind.
Perhaps we were just too young at that time. You listen to me most of the time now, and only talk when I have something to ask, or you would just nod and smile at my countless tales. Work stress and exposure to harsh working life has contributed to your passiveness and passionless-ness. 
However, as time passes, I discover its the physical bond that grows in intensity the more we spend time with each other. And the emotional connection diminishes, as if they work antagonistically. Maybe that is what keeps us from feeling for each other enough to start over. I felt we would be better as friends. Also, I don’t believe in unconditional love  or love at first sight. You agreed on that as well regarding yourself.
Perhaps we should work together to achieve our life priorities: a common goal. To achieve our full potential, either in the workplace or in studies. I love and like you, but it’s just not that way. It’s more of a friend thing, like what I have for Doudou. 
I want to be your emotional supporting pillar, your engine that keeps you going.
And this will be the very first thing perhaps that I put a substantial amount of effort in.
No giving up, Mr. Loh! I trust in you that you will be someone big someday, someone of high ranking and financial independence. 
I stop writing as the bus comes to a halt. I know I am arriving in school soon, in just a few bus stops. I smile, and I know nothing will stop me this time. I  know I can’t love you as I did three years ago, but I know I will always support you.


Sigh, I’m so tired.
So on Saturday went with Mr Loh for karaoke, at Partyworld Orchard. Parking cost a bomb, and the KTV bill was like around SGD 48.xx for two people.. WOW! Maybe because it’s in Orchard. Sing and singing and sang and sung for more than three hours, luckily we had 2 drinks each.. I never expected Mr. Loh to be someone who sings a lot, and that he sings about the same songs as I do. =S Have I just found my long-lost un-identical twin? I hope he’s not related to me.. And in the past, he was the one who actually ‘inspired’ me to listen to Maroon 5 and be their fan, though not official..

Trying to spend more time on my novel..(fan fiction)

Today hangout with schoolmate DouDou.. Ate at Food Junction Bugis… then walked around Bugis, went to Iluma too. Am so so so tired~~

It’s my first time having KOI Cafe’s Milk Tea, and my first time drinking from his straw too. He’s way too generous. We got drenched a few times ‘coz my umbrella’s too small, and I almost lost it. An old man found my umbrella and returned it to us. A weird security guard ‘chased’ us away for drinking in Iluma, then we went upstairs to join the crowd of KOI-drinking. Fooled around a little, then went home. 🙂